Category: love

Almost does count

The moment my life changed was six years ago.
It changed in the armpit of an almost stranger.

I believed he would be the man I’d share life with.
Instead, he became an almost lover.

We were naked. He was lying on the bed and his arms were crossed under his head. We were looking at each other. I looked at his armpit and heard myself say: “I want to snuggle in there.” I heard this with a delay, while I was already doing so—laying my head down, snuggling in his armpit. There was a pause in his breathing, and then he wrapped his arms around me. We must have … continue

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Children to Mother

Her body is still warm. Less than an hour has passed since she embraced her everlasting peace. The witching hour rain a drizzling rhythm. The only other sound sterile monitors chirping feeding the surrounding sleeplessness of those dearest belonging to our beloved departed. Her skin is clean smooth and soft to touch. A snapshot of youth in this final moment. The grey haired crown almost invisible. All we see is the child she once was long ago. Seconds slipped away at the speed of light. One last kiss. Lips to forehead. Children to mother.

My mom passed away suddenly not so long ago. A generations’ old family blood curse cast … continue

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The Second Chance

About two years ago my mother was diagnosed with cancer. For the third time. My mother is a strong woman but dealing with cancer again and facing a chemotherapy weighed heavily on her. I was with her when the doctor told her the news a couple of days before Christmas. I almost couldn’t bear the feeling of not being able to help her to get rid of this terrible disease. But of course I knew that I could at least be there for her. From the moment we sat together in front of the doctor my relationship to my mother changed significantly. Since I live abroad I reorganized my whole … continue

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We do not own our children

They were born in a private Athens clinic in Greece when, at 39 and pregnant, I moved from NYC .There, doctors referred to them as ‘Twin A’ and ‘ Twin B’ on prenatal scans. I soon adopted Alpha and Beta as my unborn babies’ names. August 1st was extremely early for their delivery, but they wouldn’t wait ! Beta, my bright orange- haired daughter, perfectly formed, died as my husband and I dropped tears onto her incubator and spoke of the great love we had for her. A short life; 48 hours only. Alpha, my son, was transferred across to Pedon Childrens’ Hospital where he lived bravely for more than … continue

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Laurel

“Maybe after Christmas,” I replied, worried he couldn’t afford this long distance call from London.
“No, come now. I need you. You’ll see, we will look back on this as one of the best periods of our lives.”
I had great misgivings. There’d been a passionate affair in Athens but no future– better just cherish the memory of the handsome charming fellow who had challenged my thinking, made me laugh, made me feel precious. I should be realistic, stay in Chicago after traipsing abound Europe with a friend, and return to high school teaching, even if it meant barren spinsterhood. And breaking codes of behavior, living with him in prim … continue

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The desire to love and being loved

The music on the play list was one of my favorites. The irony of my life has been the inability to give words to emotions. And these songs gave my thoughts a voice. And also took me to the most beautiful world, miles away from the striking realities of mundane life and the household chores.
The battle between my logical mind and emotions never seemed to end. Being married for more than a decade, the marriage was crowded from day one. My husband always thought relations need a remote control to work. And the remote control was safely handed over to his mother and sisters. All this made the relationship … continue

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